I am usually not good at reading the Old Testament. I guess it intimidates me more than anything. Seeing God’s wrath is intimidating but it is also important to learn about. It’s a characteristic of our God because He is just. His justice points back to the cross and all He is given to us in Jesus Christ, God’s precious son, sacrificing himself for our sins.
Seeking my desire to know and grow closer to God, in a way that wasn’t as comfortable, led me to start reading 1 Samuel.
In 1 Samuel Chapter 2, I marveled at Hannah’s wonderful prayer of thanksgiving to God.
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Pulling back the curtain that night I answered the moons call. Captivated by the darkness before midnight, it’s star lit magnificence, I stood in silence. The moon is magical and I imagine the God cord of my heart pulling, drawing me to pay attention.
In all my days doing sometimes, it’s hard to hear. The typical sounds of a life at home with children can drown out any thoughts I have of finding time to just be with God. Whether it’s water running in the kitchen sink or a squabble between my tweens brewing in the next room, my focus rarely remains inward…in that space I like to be, to hear from God.
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In the early years of marriage when the care of babies and young children kept me busy and often tired, I struggled to maintain a consistent daily schedule to read my Bible and spend time with the Lord in quiet conversation and prayer. I heard many, many messages and multiple formulas on the subject and was attempting to read my Bible through in a year, but was regularly falling behind and constantly experiencing guilt and discouragement.
Until I heard a lady in my Sunday school class share that she had just completed reading her entire Bible from cover to cover. She had five children and two were under the age of two, and she joyfully exclaimed, “It took me two whole years, but I read every word – cover to cover!”
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You and I know the battle well. We live it day after day.
Watch your toddler. He will wander past the street, the stove, the electrical outlet, etc., completely ignoring the potential hazards, and then one day he gets too close and you say, “No.”
And that’s all it takes for you to spend the next hours, days, or weeks moving him, distracting him, scolding him, and and putting him in “time-out” . . . all in an attempt to prevent him from doing something you know will hurt him.
Paul wrote in Romans:
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.
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Wednesday morning, our eldest (aka The Princess) came downstairs and greeted me, warmly, for the first time, as “high school mom.” Her brother, (aka The Professor) moved up from middle school and will be a member of next year’s freshman class. He and his sister will spend one year in school together before she graduates high school in June.
It occurred to me that there are (at least) three phases of motherhood. There are the “moms of littles” years, the “mothers of grown children” years, and, my current situation, living as a Mid-Life Mama. My husband and I are raising teens, and I find the experience of being here remarkable.
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Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17
I have a few regrets in life, like everybody else. As I reflect back on these past 13 and a half years of motherhood with all of the ups and downs, challenges, blessings and everything in between, I have come to appreciate the gift of the early years. Recently it dawned on me that there was something missing in those early years, something that, in retrospect I realize, I didn’t miss at all.
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I’ve noticed a lot of quiet blogs and websites lately, and a good number of inactive social media profiles.
My website has been uncharacteristically quiet the past several months. Between my mom’s passing and my month in the Holy Land, I haven’t had much time (or inspiration) to be online. I manage to post on a couple of sites occasionally, but I decided to give myself some online breathing room this summer.
A lot of us choose to slow down the pace during certain seasons, especially summers. Our homes are chaotic with kids and family, or our schedules are busy with projects and travel.
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The spilled batch of homemade laundry detergent finally pushed me over the edge.
I’d been experimenting for a while with homemade cleaners. Cheaper. Earth-friendly. And I liked the image of myself as the kind of mom who made her own cleaning supplies. If nothing else, it was a great topic for playgroup conversation.
But standing there with gloppy liquid oozing over my toes, it hit me:
This is not me.
It’s not that making your own cleaning supplies is a bad thing. It just wasn’t my thing. Being “housekeeping challenged,” to begin with, why did I want to add layers to my household chores?
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