I cannot begin to remember and count all the different times I have wanted to know how God is working in and through a particular situation and also wanting to desperately know when I will have answers. I think it was my pattern for life especially as a younger Christian without a lot of spiritual growth under my belt, so to speak.
Too numerous to count are the times answers did not come on my timetable, but as I have walked longer with the Lord, I have learned more about the process of waiting. Learning about waiting is not an easy or pleasant experience.
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At the beginning of 2014 I found myself in a complete state of loss. In every area of my life I had lost control. Control I desperately held onto despite the countless books and bible studies I did on letting go of control and allowing God to take over. I had tried every formula. I prayed every desperate prayer.
It is during those times of despair when you are clinging to hope and the last threads of faith that God slowly begins to peel away the layers that have been blocking the kind of relationship that He has been waiting to pursue with you.
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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
A new year, a new me. Right? This is what I know I want at the beginning of January 2015. Hmm… if only this year I could:
– Be punctual
– Eat healthier
– Clip coupons
– Stick to my budget
– Purge the house
– Clean all the windows
– Read my bible more than once a day
– Pray without ceasing
– Never miss a birthday
– Call my long distance relatives every month
– Workout
– Complete unfinished projects
The list goes on!
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A new year makes me think of new beginnings. The move to a new calendar feels like a fresh start—a blank page with all sorts of possibilities. It’s easy to think now is when everything can change.
Then as January progresses into February, the newness wears of. The New Year’s resolutions are long forgotten and life feels the same as it was.
Or have we just stopped looking for the newness in our everyday?
New beginnings don’t depend on the change of the calendar year. God gives us a new start every day.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions (mercies) never fail.
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Tomorrow we celebrate the past as we say goodbye to 2014. For some it is a sad goodbye and for others they are glad to see it go but either way we can agree it is soon to be behind us. 365 days of collected moments we long to relive or forget. Memories we now add to the albums of our hearts and minds forever.
It is a time to celebrate and rejoice in the hope of the New Year.
Hope of change, hope of a fresh start, hope that we are not hopeless, that life is worth it.
It is a beautiful reminder of the grace of God.
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For at least half of the Christmas seasons I have spent as married woman, I’ve been newly pregnant or fresh-grieving the loss of a babe.
I identify with Mary very closely. I keep thinking of her physical feelings, her emotions at being an (unmarried) first time mother. (By the way – how do you think that conversation with the parents went?) Closing my eyes and thinking of her in labor. In a cave/stable/animal dwelling. The smell, the temperature, the dust, the pain. Cleaning, or trying to clean him. Nursing him for the first time. How sweet that moment is. Or scary, or frustrating, or overwhelming.
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These words have stuck out to me in my Bible reading this week. In context, this is Elizabeth speaking to Mary. When Mary came to visit Elizabeth, the unborn child in Elizabeth’s womb lept for joy as soon as Mary’s voice reached her ears. Elizabeth told Mary she was blessed, because she believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.
Advent is nearly over. I’ve been waiting, reaching, hoping, trusting, battling to stay full of faith in this season. I’ve been waiting for the Christ child, He who is coming, but has already come, and will continue to come again and again to my tired and weary soul.
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