As the sun rises, my feet hit the floor and I stammer into the shower. How could it possibly be morning already? My body is tense, still feeling the weight of yesterday and already taking on the cares of the morning. As I stand beneath the warm water I pray, “Lord, give me grace for another day”.
And these days have been blurry lately. There seems to be no start or finish, rather just one continuous blob of “more to do”.
My daily routine begins as I prepare my youngest for school and head off to work. I love the church where I am privileged to work.
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I hear everyone downstairs. They’re chatting and laughing as they eat homemade pizzas.
Not me.
I’m upstairs in the little boys’ room cleaning. I’m sorting duplos and blocks and little bricks and cars and organizing books by height. Their room was clean. I’m resorting, reorganizing, recleaning.
Sometimes I hide behind the mask of busy.
I’ll go from room to room to room looking for things to organize. Junk drawer, bucket of stuff by the dryer, desk drawers, school books, papers, and then starting over again.
Sort, throw, sort, label.
I can’t control everything.
This world, this temporary world, is simply not perfect.
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You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
there is no flaw in you. (Song of Songs 4:7 NIV)
I was recently part of an online discussion on MODsquad regarding this Scripture verse. It was a discussion, I might add, that had me pondering Scripture all day long, as well as the days following.
What do you think when you read this verse? I wonder if it’s anything like my first reaction was.
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling…”
As I read this first line, I felt comforted to hear God’s sincere opinion of me.
“There is no flaw in you.”
Instantly the comfort was gone as I thought, “yeah, right.”
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It happens suddenly without anticipation or it could have been planned. Change. You find yourself in an uncharted area or time of life, navigating waters that seem unfriendly and dangerous. Cold. You consider your journey. Perhaps you have moved to a new community, or switched jobs, churches, schools or states. Perhaps you have been in a painful divorce or other negative experience. You find yourself among people often, yet your closest friends and fellowship are far off. Difficult days these can be. So how can you maneuver these waters, safely and emerge on friendlier shores? Here are some tips to stay afloat when the raft you are on is a lonely one due to difficult, specific or seasonal circumstances in life.
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When my grandmother had her stroke, we held out hope she would one day talk again. For a while she could speak a little, but her words were all too often garbled and confused. A look of frustration soon replaced the quick smile we had always known her to wear.
Before her health slipped even more and dementia began to fully take over, the Lord gave me a gift. It happened one Sunday as I stood beside my grandmother in her church.
As the congregation began to recite the Lord’s Prayer, I heard my grandmother speaking the words right along with everyone else.
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They were my favorite phy-ed days. No climbing ropes required. No relays necessary. I didn’t have to sweat. I simply had to hold on.
And I was good at it. I could hold that wooden rung with the best of them.
My teacher explained it was to encourage hand strength. I thought it was more of a mind game. For I learned if I didn’t focus on that wooden dowel and how my hands were wrapped around it, I always fell too soon.
Now that I’m older, somewhat wiser, and less physically fit, I know holding on tight takes tremendous strength.
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Time alone for reading God’s Word and quiet prayer can be hard to come by when you’re a busy parent from dawn till dusk. If I were to wake before my youngest, I’d have to set the alarm for four o’clock AM.
Lately, I’ve been pondering how to be inspired throughout my day — how to think about Jesus even in the middle of it all. I’ve started counting the gifts, you know, focusing on even the littlest things that are evidences of His love. I’ve been listening to Christian audio book downloads and sermons online while I do the dishes or fold laundry.
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I still remember it like it was just the other day and yet, it was years ago. I was a young mom, with just my three little girls {now, I’m the mom to seven — we’ve added four boys}, and me walking into a new church, into a new women’s Bible study, into a room full of women. Me from Minnesota, living in California, and feeling very much vulnerable.
I stood in the corner, surveyed the room, looked at all the beautiful women, and thought to myself how I really probably should have just stayed home today. This was too hard.
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