Ive sat here for almost an hour trying to put my thoughts into words. Ive been staring at my bible, flipping through the pages, hoping something jumps out at me. Ive tried just praying- for words, insight, inspiration.
I have none.
So I am going to just type. Type what is on my mind and in my heart.
Tomorrow is our first day of Homeschool. Mark and I made the decision Friday to not wait until next year to start- We felt God was leading us now to do what he had placed on our hearts for the last month.
Its amazing, finding yourself smack square in the middle of Gods desire for you and your life. I feel so secure right now, so content- yet honestly scared out of my mind. I have no doubt that Christ has lead us to this point, yet I doubt my ability to deliver what He has called me to do.
I feel inadequate in the calling, that is the honest truth of tomorrows upcoming events.
But reread everything I just shared with you. Count the number of times I wrote the word “I”. One thing I have realized over the weekend while mulling this decision and my fear over (and over and over and over)… I submitted to the call He has placed on my heart, and left Him right there- at the decision making point- every doubt and insecurity I have felt since then has been on my own.
I left Him behind.
Do I really believe that I can do all things through him? Do I believe that I can teach these two precious children? Do I believe that because He called me, He will guide me and lead me.
Do I really believe?
Tonight as I tucked them into bed- kissed their heads and prayed over them- I turned this over. I turned over their future- a future He is already in the midst of. I relinquished my fear and my anxiety, although I am sure it will find its way back into my heart again. I placed my feeling of insignificance at the foot of my Father.
Tomorrow, we will begin a journey that brings me to my knees, both in fear and joy. Tomorrow we will go to Golf lessons, and spend time with good friends, and read and laugh, and learn.
Tomorrow we begin our journey into what Christ as already prepared for us.
I still struggle with believing that I can do this.
But I have no doubt that He can do it through me.
Discussion:
When was the last time you felt inadequate in what the Lord had called you to do? How did you face the fear? What scripture pulled you through those moments?
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What a wonderful post Heather. And I wanted to watch the video but it doesn’t work.
You can do it, Heather. God equips the called. Just remember that he called Gideon a MIGHTY WARRIOR when he was starving and hiding – the least in his family and clan. God sees your successes before you have even begun to obey His call. He loves your kids more than you do. He knew before your children were born that you would be the perfect mommy for them. He never makes mistakes.
Here’s my favorite quote of all time for you to enjoy as you begin your homeschool journey:
“When we started homeschooling,I felt as if I tucked a child under each arm and jumped off a cliff. Imagine my surprise to discover we had wings!” (Maura Seger)
Heather,
This is a beautiful post. Thank you…
From the point I found out I was pregnant with our twins, and through out the past two years, I have often been overcome with feeling inadequate. Like you, Heather, each time I had to return to the place of admitting “I” was trying to do it, plan it, guarantee the outcome. Only when “I” gave up, lifted my hands in praise or dropped to my knees in prayer, was “He” able to accomplish all things through me.
I am sure you will look back on this time, this weekend and new week, with such a joy at the fact that you got out of the way and allowed God to work fully and magnificently! Praise the Lord for what He is doing and is going to do through your faithfulness to Him!
Elisa
Just writing and not having a thought as to what you were going to say worked quite well today. Thanks for sharing from the outpouring of your heart.
this is something i am struggling with. in a couple areas.
and praying through to hear Gods still small voice that will point the way.
i feel weak
and small
and it seems so difficult
and hard….
but God is faithful. And He will DO IT!
Praying. I He has called you then He will be faithful.
This morning I ran across Crosswalk’s homeschool encouragement and it is the best advice I have ever found for someone starting out homeschooling. I definitely recommend it (and the writer writes for homeschool Enrichment, one of my favorite Homeschooling magazines): http://www.crosswalk.com/homeschool/11530251/
What a timely post for me! Thank you!
My husband and I prayerfully agreed in early January that the time has come for me to go back to work. I’m excited and I think it will be good for both me and for Ava, but the job hasn’t made itself visible yet. I’ve been applying and applying like crazy, but that’s the thing– I’ve been doing it. I need to involve Him more along the path, as I know in the end it will all come from Him too.