Written on
April 13, 2011 by
Mary in
Blog
In the midst of California’s unusally stormy past couple of winters, there’s a story that’s been unfolding for some time. One day it took a dramatic leap as a cliff gave way, taking the hillside (and a couple of back porches) from an apartment complex on the coast.
Funny, we’ve known since biblical times that it’s not wise to build on shifting sands, but in California and Florida, and even along the shores of rivers and lakes in-between, people sacrifice security for the view.
As one evacuating resident said “The beauty is still here, but there’s no safety.”
If you grew up in church, you probably remember the children’s song that says, “The foolish man built his house upon the sand…the rains came down, and the floods came up…and the house on the sand went SMASH!”
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We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
I awakened this morning with the title of this post running through my mind. What if the first time you had a thought, it was just that . . . a thought? The second time you thought it, you were granted a mulligan by God’s grace. But if you continued spinning it around in your head, it appeared across your forehead in ticker tape format. Right there for everyone to see!
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My thoughts have been turned inward lately. Not in a prideful way. As the Lord brings to light the hurting places in my heart, those things that I have kept behind closed doors, away from his grace and mercy, I get overwhelmed. I am becoming more aware of my brokenness and of my need of Him and His restoring grace. I lack. I want. I desire. He alone can fill the cracks, those voids deep inside my heart.
As the Lord brings deep and personal revelation of my constant need of Him, I can tend to focus too much on what I can’t see and I forget to focus on His free gifts of grace and mercy, which allow me to move on into places of freedom.
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Right now, I am writing this post from my balcony overlooking the beautiful beaches of Destin, Florida. The stage is set with umbrellas still folded neatly, the waves crashing in and out, and the sounds of children playing in the distance. It’s still morning, too early to endure the harsh reality of having to read on the beach all day, right?
While everything is neat and picturesque around me, I am not. My heart has been turned inside out this entire trip. I have cried more on this beach trip than the already overflowing coastline deserves.
I have forced myself to turn off the intoxicating media all around me.
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…down in my heart….where?
I look over and see Elijah’s breakfast of cereal and rice chex get bumped over and slowly watch as the milk drips down to the floor covering everything in it’s sticky path.
…down in my heart…where?
The stack of papers and mail for me to go through has now filled the “to do” box. I see the bills peeking out, along with invites to respond to, and memos. It feels like too much.
…down in my heart…where?
Not again. It feels like I’ve been dealing with bad attitudes all day. Defiance and crankiness seem to be reigning.
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“I don’t want anything,” pouted our 8 year old as we were about to order. He wanted to go to Taco Bell and wasn’t happy when we opted for a classic breakfast place instead.
I’ve heard these words in the past, and generally ignore them and order something anyway, knowing the boy will cave once everyone else is served. But this particular mood of his was more definite than others, and I decided to let him have what he wanted (or didn’t want, as the case may be).
As I prepped his younger brother’s pancakes, the fragrance of the buttery goodness made me feel a little badly for him as he moped from across the table.
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As a mother, I teach my children to always be honest. I have become very good at being able to tell when they are not telling the truth, or when I’m only getting part of the story. I try to instill in them the importance of going to someone they may have hurt to ask forgiveness; or, at times, going to God with the sin that is in their hearts. Today, my 7 year old son taught me a valuable lesson.
I was assisting in the Children’s Equipping Center today during church. Our Children’s Pastor was walking the children through an exercise of confessing the things that were hidden in their hearts.
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This past year has been one of loss, hardship and uncertainty for our family. During this season, I have learned to yield, to trust, to seek and to find. I have learned to have hope in the face of adversity. The dictionary defines “hope” as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Over the last year, there were many days where I felt hopeless. I was looking at my life through foggy lenses, unable to see beyond my circumstances into the promises of the Lord for my life, and that of my family. I had lost my sense of expectancy.
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