I love reading the Song of Solomon in the Bible. This book has two interpretations. One interpretation is that of a natural love between King Solomon and his bride, the Shulamite maiden. It emphasizes biblical principles that honor the beauty of love within marriage. The other interpretation is symbolic of the spiritual truths in our relationship with Jesus behind the natural love story. I remember how embarrassed I used to feel when reading this book because I often felt as if I were imposing on the love between this man and woman.
Over the last year, the Lord has began to unlock my heart and give me greater revelation of His love for me.
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My thoughts have been turned inward lately. Not in a prideful way. As the Lord brings to light the hurting places in my heart, those things that I have kept behind closed doors, away from his grace and mercy, I get overwhelmed. I am becoming more aware of my brokenness and of my need of Him and His restoring grace. I lack. I want. I desire. He alone can fill the cracks, those voids deep inside my heart.
As the Lord brings deep and personal revelation of my constant need of Him, I can tend to focus too much on what I can’t see and I forget to focus on His free gifts of grace and mercy, which allow me to move on into places of freedom.
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As a mother, I teach my children to always be honest. I have become very good at being able to tell when they are not telling the truth, or when I’m only getting part of the story. I try to instill in them the importance of going to someone they may have hurt to ask forgiveness; or, at times, going to God with the sin that is in their hearts. Today, my 7 year old son taught me a valuable lesson.
I was assisting in the Children’s Equipping Center today during church. Our Children’s Pastor was walking the children through an exercise of confessing the things that were hidden in their hearts.
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This past year has been one of loss, hardship and uncertainty for our family. During this season, I have learned to yield, to trust, to seek and to find. I have learned to have hope in the face of adversity. The dictionary defines “hope” as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Over the last year, there were many days where I felt hopeless. I was looking at my life through foggy lenses, unable to see beyond my circumstances into the promises of the Lord for my life, and that of my family. I had lost my sense of expectancy.
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photo © 2010 Courtney Carmody | more info (via: Wylio)This week, I have been purposeful in reminding myself of who I am. There are many things that I DO that I have allowed to become such a part of me, that I sometimes lose my way.
It is true. I wear many hats. I am wife, mother, sister, friend, administrator, blogger, counselor, cook, dishwasher, laundress, housekeeper, caregiver.
And the list goes on.
I interact with people on a daily basis who ask me what I do. And I can give any number of answers to this question. Why is it that no one ever asks me “who I am”?
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As a mom, I have often sent my children to the “time out” chair or corner. Sometimes it would be 15 minutes, or 30 minutes. It was an opportunity for my children to sit quietly and reflect on their behaviors, attitudes and motives. I cannot say that it always worked, but when it did, I was thankful because their hearts were changed.
Lately, I have been wanting to give myself a time out. Not so much for discipline, but just to simply be alone. I feel an increased need for moments in my day where I can breathe in Jesus and exhale the cares of the world.
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As I’ve sat and reflected on the coming New Year, there are a few goals I would like to accomplish. I have always been one to make resolutions — a resolution to lose weight, spend more time with my family, be more organized, simplify, eat better, sleep more, and be more patient and loving. But as each year has come and gone, I have found that, for the most part, my resolutions remained unmet, and I was left confused, angry at myself, and unmotivated to continue the journey.
I have always been an “all-or-nothing” person. And when I fall short, I can tend to be hard on myself.
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I have been reading the account of the Birth of Christ all this week and meditating on this most precious gift that was given to me. It was a gift of love that, although I try to understand, I still cannot. I want it to get deep into my spirit, and I want my response to this love to be a willing heart. A heart that says Yes to God’s perfect plan, even though I cannot see clearly.
Mary had a willing heart. She was willing to be used by God, no matter what the cost. She said Yes!
When the Angel of the Lord approached Mary to let her know that soon she would be with child, and that this Child she would carry would be the Son of God, Mary was troubled in her spirit.
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