Lean Heavy When Life is Hard

Life has been very hard for me lately. It’s still hard to admit that, but getting easier as I realize that my vulnerability = grace for others. But harder even than admitting depression and exhaustion is the task of writing something encouraging for others.

I don’t have a faith-filled testimony about God carrying me through a difficult time. I’ve been neglecting time with God and turning instead to chocolate and ice cream and reality TV.

I don’t have ever-loving words to say about my children. They’ve been driving me near the brink of insanity.

I don’t have marriage counsel. We’re as opposite as ever and struggling every day to figure out how to live in the same house.

I am worn-out, burnt-out, emptied-out and constantly searching for a word from someone to either say “yes, motherhood is miserably taxing on a soul” or “here are the answers to all your problems”. Say both of those things and I’ll love you forever.Β 

Perhaps the only faith-strengthening thing I can say here is thatΒ I recognize my great need and I WANT to lean more heavily into Jesus.

But I have not figured out how in this stage of parenting young children:. Maybe you’re a little like me — my perfect spiritual intimacy experience would be alone with God. Alone and quiet with time for contemplation, time for poetry, time for music and nature’s caress.

Motherhood pulls me away from my centered place of order and peace and completion and inspiration and puts me instead in a place of mess and conflict and chaos and mundane. I’m struggling to maintain just my sanity, let alone a vibrant relationship with God.

He made me who I am. He gave me my husband and my children. He made us all and put us together {what was he thinking?!}!!

Now He needs to teach me how to cope. How to do more than survive. How to thrive! And how to genuinely bless out of a heart filled with love!

So this post is less of an encouraging word {sorry!} and more of a pained pleading request for help. Maybe you’ve felt like this too. And now, I’m going to turn to Jesus with my problems and try very hard to keep doing that through all the difficult tomorrows.

Here’s what the Bible says:

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress. Isaiah 33:2

If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 4:11


20 Responses to Lean Heavy When Life is Hard
  1. Joseph Cantone
    March 24, 2013 | 7:03 am

    I think you’ve helped more people today than u can imagine. im glad I got ur name because now I put it in my permanent Prayer list. u will b prayed for by me more than u can possibly imagine. one day at a time Laura. that’s how I live with advanced cancer. that’s how u have to live too. God bless u always. all ways. joe

    • Laura Kyle
      March 25, 2013 | 7:38 am

      Thank you for the prayers!

  2. Heidi Sandvik
    March 24, 2013 | 7:07 pm

    Something someone told me recently about stressful times in life? They’re only temporary. But I think this is true especially for the Christian, who can look at even life threatening situations as temporary. With something far better beyond them. Those promises you’re claiming…don’t forget they cannot fail. I’m not a mother yet, so I have no words of wisdom in that front, but I do know that God does not lie. If He promises wisdom? He’ll give it. If He promises strength, He’ll come through. If He promises never to leave you nor forsake you? He’s right there with you now, where it seems like all is darkness. And He’s never, not ever, going away.

    • Laura Kyle
      March 25, 2013 | 7:36 am

      Thank you Heidi. πŸ™‚

  3. Melanie Wilson
    March 24, 2013 | 7:59 pm

    Laura, I have 5 boys and 1 girl and I had many times like you’re having now. It’s really, really hard. But there are better days ahead. I look back now at what I was so upset about and wonder what the fuss was for. lol I wish I had let go of my expectations. They were killing my joy. I don’t know your circumstances, but I will pray for you, too.

    • Laura Kyle
      March 25, 2013 | 7:37 am

      Yes, I realize part of the trouble is my own expectations. Thank you, Melanie. A glimpse of what the future might be like is always helpful. Glad you survived the rough part!

  4. Sarah G.
    March 24, 2013 | 8:32 pm

    Laura, You are always a blessings to me. πŸ™‚ I just wanted to say that I so understand where you are at. I am there too in so many ways… life is draining, and yes, my ideal time with God is just not there the way I would love for it to be. I pray that it will be someday soon and in the present I just keep pressing on in faith and send up a lot of prayers throughout the day!!
    HUGS my dear friend.

    • Laura Kyle
      March 25, 2013 | 7:38 am

      You do know where I’m at and you’re in the thick of it too. Prayers and hugs all around!!

  5. Laura Rath
    March 24, 2013 | 8:32 pm

    Laura, you think your words aren’t encouraging, but they are…not because you are struggling, but because you are honest about it and let me (and, I’m sure, so many others) know we are not alone in our struggles. Thank you for that! It’s a pleasure to be on the 5 Min. for Faith team with you. πŸ™‚

    • Laura Kyle
      March 25, 2013 | 7:40 am

      It’s hard to be honest and put my feelings on display to possibly be misunderstood, but I think it’s worth it. Thank you for your kind words! I so appreciate it.

  6. Barbie
    March 25, 2013 | 2:36 am

    I remember the days of raising mine when they were little. It seemed like I lived off the flip scripture calendars. But I am realizing that this is enough. I pray the Lord will give you sweet moments of refreshing as you glorify Him in all that you do. I pray that He will allow to steal away for some alone time with Him. This season of motherhood is hard. Our pray time changes. But just know that as you minister and pour hour heart and soul into those littles, you are ministering to the Lord’s heart! Love you!

    • Laura Kyle
      March 25, 2013 | 7:41 am

      mmmm…thank you Barbie. That is encouraging.

  7. Missy
    March 26, 2013 | 9:11 pm

    Sometimes, like David, I just have to cry out and wait for God to pick me up. I’m praying He has scooped you up into his loving arms and comforted you already.

  8. Gill
    March 27, 2013 | 6:10 am

    Hi Laura
    Being a good Mum is, I think, one of the hardest jobs in the world, but also one of the most rewarding (Not necessarily at the same time). You can only do your best, and sometimes that ‘best’, is better for letting off a little steam, being honest with yourself, and trying not to be perfection. The beatitudes from ‘The Message’ version of the Bible says Matt5v3 – “You’re blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and His rule”, I don’t know – but these words helped me when I was in a similar position to you. Thanks for your honesty – sometimes it feels that, especially as Christians, we can’t complain especially when on the face of it we are so blessed, but I think there are millions of us who have been where you are and feel forced to put a brave face of things. Hope you feel more positive soon. love from the UK. Gill

    • Laura
      April 4, 2013 | 9:23 am

      Thank you Gill — what true words. Being honest with myself and letting go of the guilt that comes with imperfection is hard, but worth it.

      I so appreciate your affirmation and encouragement!

  9. Laura
    March 27, 2013 | 8:42 am

    Thank you Missy! I have felt greatly comforted and encouraged to persevere. Praise God for loving friends and family and the Bible!

  10. christa
    April 3, 2013 | 1:51 pm

    Your words were so refreshing today! I, all of us, have probably felt the sting of these seasons. It it harder still when we all paint only the lovely picture of life. I have been asked sometimes why I write the “serious” stuff sometimes, instead of “happier” things. This is why. We need to be real, be loved and then help move each other to joy. God bless you

    • Laura
      April 6, 2013 | 8:29 pm

      Absolutely. πŸ™‚ Thanks Christa, I love hearing this. Sharing the real hard stuff HELPS. The hugs and prayers help too.

  11. Joelle Brinkley
    April 6, 2013 | 12:13 am

    You read my mind. I have that “testimony” to share, but it is by no means an easy load to bear. Yet, testimony or not, we are now both living under grace my friend. It’s true that it’s one day at a time and one breath at a time. Keep praying and pushing, God will always meet us. Hugs!

    • Laura
      April 6, 2013 | 8:32 pm

      Thank you Joelle! πŸ™‚