Have you ever had to walk through a familiar room in the dark and rely on your memory to get you to where you are going with out stubbing your toe or hitting your knee on a sharp edge of something? It is kind of scary isn’t it? You have to trust your memory and hope nothing has moved since you last saw it, feeling your way through the dark.
Lately I have had a song stuck in my head, a song that I don’t mind replaying over and over again. It has brought me comfort and spoken truth to me on and off as my husband and I have had to walk through dark rooms of faith lately.
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I live in a noisy house, maybe you can relate? I live with 4 wild souls, a dog, and two cats so it is to be expected. I have learned to embrace the noise for the most part but it can begin to consume my heart and mind if I let it.
An everyday symphony, made up of many instruments with many different sounds. Every day is different. Some days it is sweet music to my ears, other days I have to turn it down and tune it out, and then there are days like today, where the noise just became too overwhelming for my heart to listen anymore.
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Mother’s day has always been a very emotional day for me personally, a day to celebrate this beautiful calling of being a mother and also a day of mourning the absence of my own mother. My mother passed away when I was only 11 years old, she was a beautiful woman and I loved her deeply but she wasn’t perfect and she was far from a godly example of what a mother should be but she was none the less my mother.
Over the last month I have wrestled with my own heart and my own experience with my mother, digging around in this 32 year old wounded and confused heart of mine for some kind of beauty and truth to share with your mother’s heart today but the deeper I dug, the dirtier and darker the soil prooved to be.
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Can I be honest and just share my heart with you today?
I need Jesus.
And in all honesty all I have to offer you today and everyday really is Jesus, and He is more than enough. Right? I woke up this morning with the heavy weight of my little world on my heart, overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities scattered across my day.
It was heavy, too heavy for this stretched wife and momma just trying to do it all in one day, everyday.
I needed Jesus.
I needed to be overwhelmed by His beauty and truth. I needed to be reminded that I’m not alone and that He doesn’t expect for me to be perfect, He is with me and He is perfect so that I don’t have to be.
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I laid there beside him, just watching him sleep, so peacefully and at ease. A few minutes before he was restless and anxious. He couldn’t sleep and called for me in the night. I quietly responded to his call, my mother’s heart softened to his little disheartened cries.
With in seconds of my presence his anxieties melted away and he was immediately able to rest. As I watched him so overwhelmed by my love for him, a quiet thought occurred to me, a picture, if I love this child so intensely… how much more does my Heavenly Father love me?
This is something I have struggled with for years, believing that He loves me, that He could love me.
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