Right now, I am writing this post from my balcony overlooking the beautiful beaches of Destin, Florida. The stage is set with umbrellas still folded neatly, the waves crashing in and out, and the sounds of children playing in the distance. It’s still morning, too early to endure the harsh reality of having to read on the beach all day, right?
While everything is neat and picturesque around me, I am not. My heart has been turned inside out this entire trip. I have cried more on this beach trip than the already overflowing coastline deserves.
I have forced myself to turn off the intoxicating media all around me.
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Although I know that I wrote how important winter is in our lives a month or so back, I sure look forward to the springtime emerging.
I see glimmers of hope in the green grass that has recently sprung out of the ground in Arkansas. I know this post is relative to where you live, and some of you are still experiencing the tundra like-conditions of the winter, but please know that green grass and daffodils are on their way!
While I usually just find the closest cave and hibernate in the winter, this winter has been very different. I think I finally realized that I can survive winters and that I am not an animal.
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You have heard the old retort to when a kid asks his parents how he came into the world: “The stork brought you.” I’ve decided that is actually a pretty good response to my nine-year-old daughter and eleven-year-old son. Yes, we have already had the “s” talk, but more than anything I need them to know something even more important… Someone who loves you and will protect you to the death brought you into this world.
I have been stumbling through the book of Job lately. Job has really been difficult for me to glean much from because I just keep going back to the fact that Job’s friends are just jerks dishing out a bunch of twisted truth.
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I have hinted at in my past writings that the winter always tends to be a difficult time for me. It reminds me of things I would like to forget, but every year those same old bluish memories wash over me once again.
The other day, in a bout of unseasonably warm weather and a strange urge for me to get outdoors, I decided to go rake out the plant beds around my house. These beds, in my “not so master gardener” mind, are beautiful and luscious in the spring and summer. They make me so happy when I walk around the edge of my house and see the butterflies dancing all around.
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As I sit in my cluttered office, my mind is beginning to release some of its own clutter…
My heart is always full this time of year with thoughts of family and friends. Much of my past seems to rear its ugly head this time of year too, and I generally struggle with a sort of seasonal depression. (I am putting my Vitamin D lamp on as I type.)
This year, a lot of healing has taken place in my life in the form of being able to help others through hard times. It always amazes me what the Lord can do in my own heart when I fight the good fight along with my sisters and brothers in Christ.
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For the last month or so I have really been convicted in the area of my motives for doing things and the expectations that I place on others. Being a pastor’s wife, there are a lot of social pressures and unwritten rules of what I should be doing. Honestly, we have a very sweet church and no one has ever really come up to me and said, “Are you doing this, because you know it’s your job.” Mostly, the pressures are put on me from yours truly. Many of the unwritten rules were written by me in my head. But I still feel them.
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A while back, I was jogging walking fast in my neighborhood. I love to spend time just taking in the beauty of the morning, getting my mind right, and boosting my metabolism a little for the day. While I was “walking fast,” 🙂 I got something trapped in my shoe. Everything in me wanted to ignore it and keep moving, but I absolutely could not go another step. Giving up, I took my shoe off, shook it out and listened for the rude little interruption to fall out. I did not see anything come out, but whatever it was did come out and I was able to resume my jog.
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