Wishing Life Away

My youngest child watched as her older sister’s bus pulled away. Her eyes could not be averted. As I watched the interaction it was as if I could see her little brain cogs turning. I imagined my youngest girl longing to grow up, longing to be riding away on the bus like her sister. I’m not sure if she felt that at all, but I know I did. I grew up the youngest of four girls.

Every game I played I seemed to find ways to emulate what life might be like when I got older. I wrote in my mom’s old checkbook. I washed dishes in my pretend kitchen. An old school desk helped immensely as I played pretend, trying to envision myself at school like my sisters. For some reason grasping my own age proved difficult for me. This remained the case throughout high school. As my sisters headed for college, it seemed the free and adventurous life. As one began having babies, I softened to the idea of someday being a mom too. It seemed I always held my life up to my older sisters.

I wanted tomorrow to come today. I ached to be older and more mature.

I look up no longer. There’s no more waiting and hoping for tomorrow. I’ve learned something. It took awhile, but finally I learned to appreciate now for now’s sake. And if in the small chance my youngest daughter was longing for tomorrow, longing to be older, I hope I blotted out that thought when I walked with her hand in hand to go color.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

2 Responses to Wishing Life Away
  1. Gina
    December 31, 2009 | 11:08 am

    This is something I need to remember as I sometimes wish my kids to grow up faster. But last night I stopped to play a board game with my youngest and relished in her bright eyes as we spent time together.

  2. Michelle Wagoner
    January 15, 2010 | 1:46 pm

    I was going through old posts and found this one today …I love it and I so need to be reminded of this more often…how is it possible that I am 35? That I am not still 14 or 21? Time flies but lets not long to be older, lets enjoy today so we wont’ have any regrets!