Every smile, every laugh, every tear…

“You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8

I tiptoe into to my daughter’s room to check if she’s asleep. It’s been a busy week and she’s had a lot on her plate.

Quietly, I stand next to her bed and look at her–my little girl, asleep, her head resting sideways on her pillow.

My little girl who is not so little anymore.

Slowly, silently, I sit on the edge of her bed and look around her room—at the pictures of her friends on her dresser, at the plaque on her wall that says Chase Your Dreams, at the pile of books on her desk.

I think about her future and how she’ll be in high school next year. I think about how much I want that time in her life to be filled with happiness, good friends, wonderful memories, safety…

I want her to achieve her dreams and goals.

I want things to always be good for her.

“God, help me to parent her well,” I pray.

My eyes sting.

When she was little, parenting was easier. (I used to think it would be easier as she got older, but now I know.)

As she grows up and spreads her wings and navigates new life situations, things seem more complicated. And I’m learning more and more that I don’t have all the answers, I can’t control every situation, and that I shouldn’t always intervene.

She stirs.

Gently, I reach for her hand. I close my eyes and whisper my prayer again, “Help me to be a good mom as she grows up.”

A tear runs down my cheek.

And that’s when an assurance comes. Suddenly, I’m flooded with memories of how many times God has equipped me when I felt inadequate as a mom, how many times He has strengthened me when I felt unready, how many times he has given me peace for the future.

And I know that’s my answer: I just need to love my kids the way God has loved me. Fully and unconditionally.

God has my daughter’s life–every thought, every dream, every hope, every smile, every laugh…every disappointment, every tear–in His hands, cradled safely, softly, securely.

I don’t need to figure everything out or worry. God loves my daughter even more than I do.

The thought is almost overwhelming.

Another tear slips down my cheek. “You are precious to Him,” I whisper, hoping that in her sleep she will register the truth in those words and cement them forever in her awareness.

She stirs and smiles.

Faintly, but she smiles.

And so do I.

3 Responses to Every smile, every laugh, every tear…
  1. melissia
    November 1, 2012 | 5:45 am

    Thank you for this, I myself am struggling with this as I have a 7th and 8th grader this year. I at times feel lost when it comes to knowing what to do in certain situations. There is alot of prayer on those days, but I’m sure I need to do that more. But when they were little things seemed simpler and they showed their love for me easier, for me it’s hard to not be their “mommy” but their mom . if that makes any sense. I just pray God will show me as well how to parent my boys well. Thank you again I look forward to reading your posts.

  2. Ronda
    November 2, 2012 | 6:30 pm

    I too love to go and look at my children while they are sleeping. I did it from the time they were born until now, they are 14 and 12. I have uttered that prayer numerous times, “Lord, help me parent well.” And, He always does. He even “fixes” all my mistakes. Thanks for sharing, and the reminder that we are never alone.

  3. Nikki (Sarah)
    November 3, 2012 | 9:40 am

    Barbie…you echo my heart for my girls….a mother’s heart….something that feels like it can so easily break when my child hurts. Your words went straight to my heart….praying your girl shines in her world everyday…and whatever she goes through will have happy endings…