High Maintenance

I love those loving me, And those seeking me earnestly do find me. (Proverbs 8:17 YLT)

I was first labeled as “high maintenance†by a college roommate who found the variety of beauty products I had amassed to be somewhat astonishing. Nearly 15 years and possibly hundreds of perfume bottles, make up containers, and floral scented moisturizing lotions later, some still deem me as high maintenance.

My first inclination is to protest being labeled a term coined for those extremely fragile individuals who spend hours primping and exact gobs of attention. After all, becoming a stay-at-home mother decreased my self-maintaining abilities and desires. Instead of purchasing high quality salon products, I found that generic shampoos sufficiently rid my hair of dirt and grime. I no longer buy my cosmetics from Dillard’s, and let’s face it, showering before noon is now a luxury.

While I don’t like to admit this, having a deep relationship with me does have its share of requirements. If I am mistreated by someone, the relationship I share with that person will, to one extent or the other, suffer.

And in that aspect, I’m really no different than anyone else. How many marriages thrive when one partner is ignored? Does a friendship grow if it is rooted in lies? Can sisters truly love each other if their relationship is saturated with jealousy? Can a mother and daughter really understand the heart of the other if they speak only once a year?

Love or hate the term, relationships are high maintenance. They necessitate resources for sustenance. In order for any relationship to flourish, both participants must invest themselves into the union.

They who have my commandments and keep them are those who love me; and those who love me will be loved by my Father, and I will love them and reveal myself to them. (John 14:21 NRSV)

Our relationship with God isn’t much different, except for the fact that He had already invested 100% into His relationship with us before we were even born. He gave us life. He sustains our lives. And through His ultimate sacrifice, the life of His son, we can experience an intimate relationship with the most powerful One in the universe…not just for today, but for an eternity.

I’m not going to argue the myriad doctrines of salvation and whether or not it can be lost once it has been received. But I do know that the depth of my relationship with God depends on the time and resources I am willing to wrap into that relationship. While God’s love will not increase or lessen based on my actions, my love for Him will grow based on the more I know about His character.

Just as my marriage would languish if I neglect my husband, so will my relationship with my Savior if I fail to keep Him my highest priority. Spending time with God by studying His word, praying, serving others, and practicing other spiritual disciplines, is not only a way to show Him my love, it also allows me to better understand the extent of His love for me. That is life-changing. What a gift we have been given!

11 Responses to High Maintenance
  1. Shane
    September 3, 2008 | 11:20 am

    So true! I also hated being labeled high maintenance. However, after reading this, I am pleased to keep the title!

  2. amy
    September 3, 2008 | 11:42 am

    Angela, your words really encouraged me just now. After going through back surgery and quite the long recovery, some of my “relationships” definitely changed. I learned a lot about the people in my life. And you are right, relationships do suffer if completely neglected. We are all human, and it hurt me deeply to find out that the people I thought would be there just for prayers or encouragement for my family were no where to be found. On the flip side though, God surrounded me with people who did pray and care, so it was an amazing blessing to know who my true friends were. And after what my family and I went through, I want to return the blessings to others.

    I have beat myself up, for even letting my feelings be hurt one way or the other, but the fact is, I am human, and I do have feelings, and they were hurt. But the blessing from the pain is that I want to make sure that I make every effort to make sure the people in my life know that I care, in good times and bad. I know that I won’t always do this perfectly, but I am definitely going to do my best. Relationships, no matter what they are, do not work if only one person is involved.

    I love how you compared that to our relationship with Christ……That relationship takes our time and effort as well, although, He will never leave us or forsake us, even when we ignore Him, if we want to grow closer to Him, we will have to get closer to Him….on a daily basis.

    Thanks for this encouragement today. I am a work in progress, and I needed this encouragement for my heart today.

    God Bless,
    Amy:)

  3. Robin
    September 3, 2008 | 3:18 pm

    Really love your blog. I just joined your webring too. Please stop by my new single mom blog, I’d love some feedback on it. God Bless, Robin

  4. gretchen
    September 3, 2008 | 4:25 pm

    Such truth in your words, Angela. Setting that alarm is tough to do, but when I follow through, it’s so worth it. The fruit is seeing my kids come to me and want to pray over this or that. For someone who didn’t darken the door of a church regularly until 7 years ago, that is golden. He is so amazing. So thankful He waited for this high maintenance chick.

  5. KATRINA Bristol
    September 3, 2008 | 5:13 pm

    I so appreciate your vulnerability. I am also in a transitional growth spurt, one of many on my journey to wholeness in Christ. I am studying and praying for a renewing of my mind, and learning how to place God first in my life as much as I can. What does that look like? I am committed to spending more time with Him, getting to know Him and listen to His voice. I have also made my husband my priority mission. Big steps for this women libber of the 70’s but I was recently led to the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. I struggle with some parts of it but others are tugging at my heart.
    So thank you for sharing your struggles and being so open.
    Katrina

  6. genny
    September 3, 2008 | 5:34 pm

    So true, Angela. Thank you for the reminder to stop and spend time with Him!

  7. Karen
    September 4, 2008 | 10:22 am

    “While God’s love will not increase or lessen based on my actions…”
    Amen. That is a Truth I took a long time to learn, but knowing it now – Oh! How wonderful!
    This relationship I have with Him is worth every amount of effort I put into it. *grin*

  8. Shonda
    September 4, 2008 | 10:29 am

    This post is so true. We invest time in what we think is important. His love is amazing!
    Engrafted by His Grace-
    Shonda

  9. Amanda
    September 4, 2008 | 12:11 pm

    Great thoughts Angela.

    Many blessings-
    Amanda

  10. Kimberly
    September 7, 2008 | 2:45 pm

    The more time I spend with Him, the more I want to be with Him. I really liked this post. High-maintenance is a term I have always thought of in a negative way, but it doesn’t have to be. My relationship with the Lord IS high-maintenance, but it is SOOO worth it. We get back so much more from Him than we can ever put in! So putting in a lot just plain old makes sense, doesn’t it? Of course, just because it makes sense doesn’t mean I always do it, but I am trying to give Him more and more.

    Blessings, Angela!

  11. Adventures In Babywearing
    September 7, 2008 | 7:27 pm

    Angela, such a wonderful perspective!

    Steph