My early morning walk the other day began with a prayer for understanding.
It went something like this…”God, why am I always searching for something more, something better? It seems like I’m never satisfied, always wishing for more.”
I couldn’t even really put my finger on the source of the dissatisfaction. No good reasons to feel discontent. And yet that lingering desire, that hunger…what is it that I feel like I need?
What a pain to feel discontented because I’m discontented.
But the freshness of the early air and the chirping of the birds always speak to my soul. The planets of my brain start to align and get back in their orbits. And I start to realize things.
I bet that’s God speaking to my heart.
I realize I’ve been desperately seeking beauty lately — beauty in blog design, specifically. And fretting when it’s not what I want it to be. I realize I’m seeking purpose, always wanting my life to matter, wanting to make a difference, but not always seeing the power of the little things I do. I realize I’m constantly doing things to get approval — hungry for it, like a starved thing.
Beauty, purpose, approval. Top three needs.
And I mull that over in my mind for awhile.
They’re good desires. Actually, God-given.
“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
“But I have spared you for a purpose—to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth.” Exodus 9:16
“Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval.” 2 Timothy 2:15
See? Beauty and purpose and approval are GOOD.
But the thing is — they’re also God-fulfilled. It’s God-beauty. God-purpose. God-approval.
Not a couple dozen comments complementing me on my blog design.
Not a pat on the back from an NGO employee, sending me out on a purposeful assignment.
Not even the approval of my friends, who think everything I do is so amazing.
None of those things have happened by the way. And if they did, great. But I shouldn’t spend my days wishing for them and dreaming of them and spending time trying to somehow experience them.
God’s presence inside me is beauty.
God’s purpose for my life is the best ever.
God’s atta-girl is eternal. Really, it’s the only approval that matters.