There’s no containing him. He squeals in delight as he gallops through the wet, sloppy grass. The curvy red slide calls to him like my reading chair calls to me. His hands wave with reckless abandon as if the movement will help him move faster towards his goal.
And I take that deep breath. The one where I remind myself control does not need to be mine. I can enjoy what comes my way. For there is joy to be found amidst the tall scaffolds of playground equipment.
You see, I wear worry like a fashion statement. Pain is something I try to avoid at all cost, especially when it can be inflicted on those I love. And lately, God has shown me this helmet of caution is no longer needed. In fact, He never gave it to me in the first place.
We all know the portion of Matthew. The one I always try to glaze over quickly. But lately, I’ve found myself slowing down. Reading it twice. Trying to find the loophole.
Friends, I have not found a single snag. In fact, this verse has spoken to me like never before:
And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? Matthew 6:25-34
I’ll admit my nature of worry is a control issue. But I had honestly never thought of it as a faith issue. For I don’t worry about whether God is real and cares for me. I worry about keeping my family safe in this world that is not my home.
Here I am, a mother, in the realm of the unknown. Opportunities of fun, development, danger, rejection and hurt around every corner. How does a mother’s heart balance the potential of every circumstance for their child? At what point can we intervene? I have to get this thing now as the reasons to worry will only increase with each birthday candle.
As I’m standing next to my son now scaling monkey bars, it hits me. It is a faith thing. For He is the only one who sees all the details. The realm of opportunities. And He’s promised, time and time again. He’s got everything under control.
I’ve decided to trade in this hat of worry I’ve worn like a crown. I’ll exchange it for a large cap of faith. I will strive to keep my eyes on Him and not on the worry whispering in my ear. For He knows the path ahead down to the last pebble. And if I am clinging to Him, He will show me the way.
If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:39
How about you? How do you clothe your mother heart? How do you wear your faith? I’d love to hear.