God is always near.
Gideon replied, “If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. Judges 6:17
Sometimes I feel like Gideon. Hiding out from enemies, staying on the down low. The quiet. The ‘don’t stir things up’.
And I feel alone. This season of doing hard things, life changing things has felt rather lonely. Of course our son is here, and my husband is still my best friend. But when I sing hymns it isn’t “One Day At A Time, Sweet Jesus”, it is “One minute at a time.”
I am a visual person. I need to SEE things to really understand them. To picture them, sometimes to trust them.
God, who made me this way, shows His presence in amazing ways when I need it most.
When I see a hawk or an eagle soaring I remember He is above it all. Seeing us, caring about us.
When I see a raven or vulture, I remember we don’t all get the easy or pretty jobs. But we can do them well and to our best.
But it is deer that speak to me the deepest. When I was running for my life a life time ago I spent my healing time walking in the wildlands. And often I would see deer. They were not afraid of me, and for deer that was out of character. I would see them when I was driving, outside my window at night. And it felt comforting. I had a sense of peace, God was with me.
Just today the dogs woke me up. Begging to go outside. I walked past the big patio doors of the house we are moving out of and on the bare patch of lawn was sleeping deer. They were surrounding me. The house. The boxes. The stress of the move. Going on faith. And my heart was peaceful. I could sense God and was reminded of His presence in the presence of His creatures.
As a Mama I shared that with our son, who at 8 is pretty wise, and he was very, very intrigued. We were able to talk about God, Creation and God’s presence in our lives. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us.
And out of great mercy and patience, He will show us His love in ways that we understand. That we can get a hold on.
Like the peace I get from seeing His creation, and resting in His word.
Like Gideon I question. I doubt. I ask aloud for a sign. And then I fall down inside when He gives it. And I tremble that God always hears us. Even the silent cry of our hearts am I alone? Where are you, Oh my God?
And He answers: Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
And promises that He, the one who knows when a single sparrow falls, loves us beyond measure.
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
We can rest on that. Breathe it in. Soak it in.