In the Way He Should Go

I had just finished my Ph.D. in clinical psychology when we started our family. I approached motherhood like I did every other part of my life: I studied it. I would buy books and read all kinds about the best way to parent. I was confident that my training and reading would make things go the way they should.

The Potty Training Test

When my first son was around 18 months, I had him sit on the potty chair. Nothing happened. When I asked him to sit on it the next time, he was a little less enthused. A few more repetitions and he really didn’t want to sit, so I let it go. My mother didn’t though. She asked me how his training was going and this little fear started.

What if I couldn’t train him?

Sure, I knew that was ridiculous. I’d never heard of a child with no developmental problems refusing to use the potty in school. I decided to be patient. The books I read said he probably wasn’t ready. But as time went on with no signs of readiness, the fear started to grow. I found a book on potty training your child in one day. My very precocious child picked up the book and seemed to be reading it! I think he did read it, because he knew exactly what to do to turn the training process into a fiasco.

I was so angry at my son for not going! And I was so mad at myself for getting angry with him. I tried a number of different approaches in the months following, but to no avail. At one point I asked my son what prize he wanted for using the potty and he said, “Nothing. I don’t want to use the potty.”

Finally one day when he was three-and-a-half (much to my mother’s chagrin), I said to him, “I don’t suppose you want to use the potty.” He got up, sat on the potty and went. After that, he never had an accident and didn’t need a reminder to go.

Not in the Way I Thought He Should Go

The one-day potty training trial didn’t succeed in teaching my son to use the toilet, but it was a great first lesson for me. I came into motherhood thinking that I would determine who my child would be and what he would do with the end result that I would look good.

In the years since our one-day training, I’ve had some accidents. I’ve tried to insist that my child go in the way I want him to go with respect to his education, his friends, and his faith. Thankfully, in training me for motherhood, God is much more patient than I was. He’s cleaned up the parenting messes I’ve made, comforted me with His Word, and reminded me that He has a way my son should go.

Have you struggled to parent a strong-willed child in the way he should go?